Elder reveals all at press conference

Robert Elder announced the sides to the fans this morning for Saturday's big kick off.

Elder has kept fans in anticipation all week but much to their delight this morning, he revealed the names of the teams, the players and the rules.

Team one is called Epic F.C. Ladbrokes believe this side are the rank outsiders but at 3/1 this could be very tasty value, especially since two players have never been seen before. The side will comprise of the 'A man' Austin Brailey, 'the step bruva' Lee, Ben 'let's bet on black and red at the same time, oh crap its zero' Penty, Will 'Bottomley Bottomley Bottomley BOT...EM...LEY', another Botttomley Bottomley Bottomley BOT...EM...LEY' and Mark 'Messi' Mclennan.

Team two is Abbacus Athletic, which is a fitting tribute for the fat guy with ginger hair who could never give the correct change from a £20 note and broke the scanner at Ladbrokes Albert Road. The Athletic side are second favourites at 9/4 for tomorrow's kick off and their squad includes: Andy 'now you see me now you don't' Roberts, Sean 'let's hope Cheryl is here' Bailey, Marco 'im in hot demand this week' Fiori, James 'what time will the footy end cos I have to catch the ferry soon and pick up Dave' Redford, Mike 'Lucy, Katherine, Streeter Hurle, Brijit........' Lock and Matt 'safe hands' Couchman.

Team three is Elder's very own side, Pyrford United. United are a very experienced side that have all the attributes for success. They know each other's game inside out and even have a team on the Playstation 3, but will they bottle under the pressure? Elder's side are the clear 7/4 favourites and will comprise of Rob 'birthday boy' Elder, Andy 'pull out the putter' Waters, Guy 'has 2 Coldplay tickets to sell for Saturday 19th at Wembley Stadium' Linegar, Nick 'O'Hair' Bonfield, Tommy 'the tank' Hunter and Chris 'in for a pound in for a' Penny.

At the press conference this morning, Elder told the fans about his team choices: "At the end of the day, I've tried to make them as fair as i can whilst keeping firends with friends and brothers with brothers."

He added: "There will be 8 minute halves and no head height rule - aka the ball can go as high as you want. There will be no silly goal area rule and anyone can go anywhere and score anywhere. The goalie can come out but only use his hands in the area."

There has been a great deal of banter on Facebook today from fans and the players alike. Linnegar has already made it clear that United are going to beat Athletic 6-0 and Bailey has stated that the other sides will need the RAC cos the A.A will leave them roadside.

The matches will take place as follows: Epic FC v Pyrford United; Epic FC v Abbacus Athletic; Pyrford United v Abbacus Athletic; Pyrford United v Epic FC; Abbacus Athletic v Epic FC; Abbacus Athletic v Pyrford United.

All quickslip prices on the matches can be found at Ladbrokes, Albert Road. The fat ginger guy, Abbacus, will be waiting for you (if he hasn't cocked up the scanner) - just give him £20 and he will attempt to give you change, but it won't be correct.

It promises to be an enthralling encounter tomorrow and it will be live on Sky Sports 1 and on Sky Sports HD 1. Coverage begins at 10.30am and the first match will kick off at 11am providing Redford has caught the ferry on time.

Golden Boot prices: Roberts 5/1, Elder 5/1, Bailey 6/1, Penty 6/1, Hunter 7/1, McLennan 8/1, Redford 8/1, Waters 9/1 Austin 10/1 Lock 10/1, Bonfield 12/1, Linnegar 12/1, Penny 14/1, Lee 14/1, Bottomley 14/1, Bottomley Brother 20/1, Fiori 25/1 Couchman 33/1.